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A few months ago, while starting on my current line of work, I was struck with a rare epiphany and I was inspired to examine my life and work out some goals in order to make sure that this damn waste of oxygen I call my life finally gets some direction.
In that same entry, I wrote that one of my goals in life is to become a rockstar. In case you don’t remember that particular snippet of thought (or if you’re too lazy to click on the link), this is what I said:
Job Description:
I’m the frontman of some talentless band like Cueshe. I can’t sing, I can’t dance, I can’t play an instrument, I can’t even hold a tambourine properly, but music critics are hailing my album as the greatest thing since sliced bread. I’d be famous and banging chicks left and right because of my pathetic display of my non-talents. However, I’d be so drunk in the morning that I won’t even remember the fact that the seemingly hot chick I hit on a few hours ago was actually my equally drunk male guitarist.How to Achieve Goal:
First, I need to find a bunch of musicians that are amazingly talented but are willing to waste their gifts so we could form a band that’ll play my three-chord songs with lyrics that are variants of “I’m single and I’m so sad :( .” We’ll advertise our uniqueness by labeling our music as “emo”, “goth”, “epic rock”, or some other uninspired tag that we just made up.Job Benefits:
I’d get the chicks, the cash, and all the crap that goes with it. And fall into a drunken stupor.Then I’d wake up and realize that I’ve wasted the last ten years getting drunk and I’ve lost all my money.
See? With benefits like that, who wouldn’t resist the allure of the rockstar career? Also, it’s a great way to pick up chicks:
(Me spotting a pretty girl at work)
Me: Hey there sexy lady! I’m Ade -
Girl: Go away.
Me: But I -
Girl: I know who you are. You’re that guy who hides behind the bushes at my backyard. I thought we already slapped a restraining order on you?
Me: That wasn’t me! Also, did anyone told you that you have poison ivy in your backyard? It gave me major rashes in places you don’t wanna know!
Girl: Go away or else I’ll use my intensive Tae Kwan Do training and Mace spray on you and you’ll go home with only one testicle.
Me: But I’m a ROCK STAR.
Girl: Oh please, you’re not scaring me you freak… did you say ROCK STAR?
Me: Yes.
Girl: I love you. Father my children, please?
And this is the part where I politely turn the girl’s generous offer down because I have a girlfriend and I’m that chivalrous and all that noble stuff, but you already knew that.
And check out the physical benefits of turning into a rockstar:
To this:
DISCLAIMER: Results vary from person to person. Sometimes you turn into:
…
that.
Well, I did go one step further in achieving this goal by forming a band with my officemates and joining in our company’s annual Battle of the Bands. We called ourselves “Two Days’ Notice“, because, well, we were offically designated to be our Sites’ representative two days before the said event. So we had to form a band and create a decent repertoire within two effin’ days. I’m not kidding.
Also, we won third place.
Did somebody ask for pictures? No? Too bad.
Hi-res pictures and more at my Flickr. (I’d upload more, but I maxed my upload limit for this month. Sucky, I know. Some idiot forgot to resize the pictures before uploading.)
Also, thanks to Clang for taking the pictures while we were onstage.
UPDATE: I uploaded the complete set to my newly-created Multiply account.
Also, don’t just lurk! Comment! Yes, I’m a commentwhore.
Technorati Tags: rock star, retarded, humor, noisy noisy man.your daily dose of retard, two day’s notice, rock, battle of the bands, concert
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35 Comments
Naks! So, are you the frontman? :-D
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haha yong long hair guy wearing blue shirt eh parang yong sa cueshe.. coolness. lol
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OMG UR tEH RoCkStaRRRR :p
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My friend, anyone who writes for TMB automatically turns into a rock star! Lookit what happened to Squid. He now looks like that thin half-naked guy in sunglasses. And I’m starting to look like that Kiss guy who has his right nipple exposed.
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Is this for real or is this the part where I have to say, “Dream on!”? Hihihihi.
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May I have an autograph?
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damn it! i can’t believe i’m already trailing you. me wanna be a front man too! and yeah… the emo/goth band and their complain-about-sari-sari-store-no-longer-selling-cheese-curlz type of songs remind me of some of people i know. ouch for them.
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hahahaha congrats!
btw, what’s wrong with looking like a member of KISS? They look perfectly sane to me hehehe…
and oh yeah, Squid looks like a rock star too :)
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“i’m watching you watch over me… i like that…
the greatest view from here!!!!”
rakenrol ba kamo? ow kam on! hehehe
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hahaha..nakakatawa to ah..ganyan din kase pichur ko??? errm..’semi-inspired by Kiss’??.. ehek. wateburr…
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Yowch naman dude.
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that stage sure looked killer. Were ‘Sorry’ and ‘Stay’ in the playlist? hehe
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It sure is a killer! It rained quite hard before we got onstage and we almost got electrocuted!
Also, if we did play Cueshe, I would LOVE for us to get electrocuted ASAP. =P
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Wait for the groupies to start throwing their panties right atcha
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yeah. the frontmen usually get the chicks. it depends on the level of fanaticism of the groupies too. if, for them, the other members are acceptable, they wouldn’t mind.
…and roadies COULD get some action, too. uhmm… backstage passes, anyone? :D
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Lol you used the best example for a talentless band. Congrats u won 3rd place, I’d love to play in that kind of stage one day my bandmates are just not “emotionally” ready yet.
Being a rockstar does have its amazing perks, and I think ur examples were rad. Especially the “father my children” part. Who knows, you’d come across that kind of situation. Hahah..
Do you have a video of that gig? Post it in youtube. =p
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Anong band mo? Ndi ko alam you’re a Rock Star pala ah!
Father my children please?
Hhehehe!!
Me, buy a Mac?
Of course gusto ko nun no, kaso lang wala silang Core 2 Duo powered laptop eh.. yung newest iMac lang meron, yung malahiganteng 24 inch iMac.
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hey my friend is putting up this benefit gig for guimaras in paranaque. want yer band to join?
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rockstar!!! Asteg… Narinig ko na yung isang kanta mo, yung “Crazy for you”…. Asteg talaga :D
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Hahaha I’m fuckin’ laughing my head off. At least you still have your shirt on.
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rock on! hahahaha!
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hey rockstar! pa autograph…!!!
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congrats ade!
don’t be so harsh on cueshe. it’s kinda like vanilla ice. no talent but i’m sure he got laid a lot. wouldn’t anyone just willingly give their right leg for that kind of blessing?
joke lang.
gene simmons from kiss…i think a girl can asphyxiate with gene simmons’s french kiss.
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cool. of course i’ll give you the cliche line, “friends parin tayo pag sikat ka na ah.” ooooooh, how pathetic! haha… ^v^
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ayaw talaga aminin kung ano tinugtog o! haha
If it makes you feel any better, when we were just starting out, we actually covered Rivermaya’s ‘Liwanag Sa Dilim’. Wahaha. Pathetic.
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Wow. Something actually came into fruition from your posts. I better start mine already. I think I’m gonna start with being the person who will give Bill Gates a run for his money. How to do it: Go to Microsoft and start running after him. Hehehe.
Rakenrol, mah meng!!!
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Hahaha, well as long as you guys had fun, walang problema dyan!
AAARGGHHHH!!!! Autograph mo pag bighit na kayo ha?!!?heeheehee ;)
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rock on, dude! (what a f&^%ng lame-ass thing to say di ba?)
i am red, white, blue, and green in envy that you’re still able to perform! putcha, miss ko na ang entablado. nanunumbalik tuloy ang aking kabataan. (iiling-iling)
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Well, you know, in show business nowadays, it doesn’t matter if you can or cannot sing. It’s doesn’t matter if you can or cannot act too. As long as you have the pretty face and your a “hit” to the mass, you’ll survive. O.o
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Haha! Coolness. xD
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“Also, don’t just lurk! Comment! Yes, I’m a commentwhore.”
Don’t you be crampin’ up my style yo!
And how many blogs do you have, you attention-seeking whore i love you please marry me you rockstar you?!
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Hey Rockstar! Since you’ve been talkin ’bout spreading your seed and all, you might wanna see this video by JB and KG?!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEZeoWg0mQI
Herdee har har!
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you’re funny. :) i like the way you write. goodluck on achieving your dreams!
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Hi! Thanks for commenting on my blog. Since you’re into bands, do you know a certain group called “Kalzada”? =)
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The Cueshe frontman DOES know how to play an instrument. That is, if you consider his pudgy thigh an instrument. The way he slaps it…it’s just sooo…..INSPIRED.
Snort.
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