Troubleshooting Your Girl: Your Wallet Beckons

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This entry is part 2 of 5 in the series Troubleshooting Your Girl

Last time, I taught you guys how to deal with your girl when that monster we like to call PMS rears its ugly head. We have learned that it may be an unpleasant experience for her, but there is reason to believe that PMS is much more painful for men. This time, I will show you how to deal when that ugly monster called “I’m Broke” possesses your wallet.

Imagine: it’s your 3rd anniversary. You guys have spent a good deal of the last three months planning for that one day. You have planned on having dinner in a nice five-star hotel (yes, dinner only, you perv) that’ll charge you a thousand bucks each time their waiters sneeze. Yep, that hotel is so classy. Perfect.

But on the day itself, you open you wallet to see that all you have is a 100-peso bill, a bubblegum wrapper and bus tickets dating from five years ago. You run over to the ATM to withdraw some cash, but by some sheer force of luck all the ATMs in town are offline. You decide that you’ll pay using your credit cards when you glance at your bill and you realize that you just maxed out your credit limit because of that Hentai DVD you bought last week.

What do you do?

Change Venue – Who says you have to spend a lot for your anniversary to be awesome? You can change your plans at the last minute! Never mind the fact that you have a reservation already. You can take her someplace where you can actually afford the food.

Someplace like McDonald’s.

PROS: You can save money. And you get a free toy if you buy a Happy Meal. Awesome.

CONS: Can you say “cheapskate”?

Awesomeness: 6/10
Manliness: 6/10

Home Dinner – This is similar to Change Venue, only it entails more effort but saves you dignity. You can just have your date at home, where you cook the dinner. Yes, cook. Real cooking; you know, recipes, stoves, knives, and stuff. I’m not talking about putting an entire slab of Spam inside the microwave and serving it. Make sure the venue is dark, and have dinner by candlelight for added effect.

PROS: Romantic. Also, girls love a guy who can cook.
CONS: She’ll figure out that you didn’t pay you electric bill and that you’ve been living by candlelight for the last three weeks. Also, if you can cook like a French Chef, you’re gay.

Awesomeness: 9/10
Manliness: 2/10

Win the Lottery – This is a bit trickier. Since the odds of winning the lottery is 1:5788465848554688, I suggest that you collect every lucky charm there is on the planet. Fill your pockets with rabbit’s feet, horseshoes and pictures of Donald Trump when you line up to bet.

PROS: When you win, you can afford to take her to that classy dinner. And have lots of money left over to buy more Hentai DVDs.
CONS: If you lose, you’ll be dating Donald Trump in the privacy of your own room.

Awesomeness: 2/10
Manliness: 5/10

Rob a bank – This is probably the simplest solution to your problem. Borrow some of your girlfriend’s stockings, put it over your head, get one of those cheap Chinese-made Swiss Army Knives that you’ve been collecting (you can finally use ‘em!) go to the bank, and scream “This is a stickup! I want your money!”

PROS: Instant payback. You might even make a customer or two wet their pants in fright. You might get a big bag of cash. If you’re lucky, you might scare the bank manager into opening the vault for you. Wee!
CONS: You = Cheap Chinese-made Swiss Army Knife. Bank = Five security guards armed with shotguns.

You do the math.

Awesomeness: 7/10
Manliness: 9/10 (Stockings are gay, though)

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Do you have more miser-rific tips to share? Comment away!

UPDATE: This article can also be seen at The Man Blog.

technorati tags: cheapskate, philippines, broke, money

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Posted in Featured Post.

By Ade

June 6, 2006

32 comments

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28 Comments

Noelle De Guzman, June 6, 2006:

You forgot the fourth option: make the girl pay for dinner.

Awesomeness: 6/10
Manliness: -10/10

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Poldo, June 6, 2006:

you can also go, KKB (kanya-kanyang bayad)!

Awesomeness: 5/10
Manliness: 5/10

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Alvin, June 6, 2006:

I can’t believe this! Thank God you’re not dating my sister… hehehe! :-)

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rj, June 6, 2006:

you can max out your credit limit by buying one hentai DVD?

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kid, June 6, 2006:

[Comment ID #1831 Will Be Quoted Here]

This is one option I’d definitely go for. It’s already your third anniversary anyway, she should’ve saved a lot already by then. Haha!

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jong, June 6, 2006:

nasa new generation naman na tayo kaya siguro kung wala talagang budget si lalake eh baka pwedeng si babae naman, kahit minsan lang dba? hehe

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aaron, June 6, 2006:

onga onga onga.

wala dapat sexism. palibre na kung palibre.

labo o_O

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Squid, June 7, 2006:

Feh. I for one prostitute my orifices whenever I need quick cash!

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Talamasca, June 7, 2006:

I’m single and loving it. No troubleshooting to do, thankyouverymuch. Hehe. :-)

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yen, June 7, 2006:

let ur gf pay!!! edi tpos problema mo! if she refuse, saka mo dalin sa mcdonald’s…

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Steel, June 7, 2006:

Oh ade, I’ve been waiting all this time. When o when will you be asking me out on a date?!

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jhay, June 7, 2006:

You could always try out an eat-all-you-can place like the one in Market Market. Nice place, great food and it’s all you can eat.

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Poldo, June 7, 2006:

[Comment ID #1844 Will Be Quoted Here]
and then the next day, you’ll be paying for hospital bills for extreme diarrhea. :mrgreen:

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kid, June 7, 2006:

[Comment ID #1837 Will Be Quoted Here]

di lang dapat minsan. pwede na dapat madalas, lalo na kung working na rin naman ang girl. hehe

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Poldo, June 7, 2006:

[Comment ID #1847 Will Be Quoted Here]
pag mas malaki sweldo ni babae, dapat siya na bayad lahat date niyo, ang trabaho mo naman eh yung after ng date. hehe

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Noelle De Guzman, June 7, 2006:

[Comment ID #1847 Will Be Quoted Here]

This explains Britney Spears and Kevin Federline.

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eric, June 7, 2006:

[Comment ID #1844 Will Be Quoted Here]

ahha ive tried the eat all you can there, pero sis ko kasama ko and friends..

nakaka-turn off naman pag eat all u can sa date. feeling ko mawawala finesse ko pag sa eat all u can.. baka sabihin pa nya na hindi ako ang breakfast at lunch para maka todo sa eat all u can!

yung babae na pabayarin mo ng bills. sabihin mo every odd-numbered anniv sya bayad.. pag even-numbered anniv ikaw..

oh di ba? bagong idea yun ehehe

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Jerome Daclison, June 8, 2006:

you just reminded me when one of my students dated my sister! punta ng mcdo ang mokong, pinapili sis ko, inorder eh burger mcdo meal and choco sundae. nung magbabayad na, sabi nung guy, “soli mo na lang yung sundae, kulang na eh.” Syempre, binayaran na lang ng utol ko. At hindi jan nagtatapos…wala nang pamasahe kaya utol ko nagbayad. panalo talaga… hahahaha!

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rob, June 8, 2006:

‘wag na lang kumain! ;)

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mushy, June 8, 2006:

[Comment ID #1847 Will Be Quoted Here]
na-ah. not on yer anniversary. fer me, if its the anniversary, there shant be any excuses. the guy SHOULD pay! but if its any other day, i can foot the bill anytime. anniversaries are special u know, like what u said, youve planned fer it so theres no excuse for u to slack off.

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benj, June 10, 2006:

what a coincidence. my girlfriend and i will be celebrating our 3rd year tomorrow.

no fancy dinners though. we’ll be attending my great grandmother’s birthday bay – 92 years young. :)

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jong, June 12, 2006:

[Comment ID #1854 Will Be Quoted Here]

Tama, para walang gastos! Wag narin mag-girlfriend/boyfriend para wala talagang gastos!

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mari_elle, June 12, 2006:

What about taking her to an isaw/fishball stand and giving her that whole “you’ve got to experience authentic streetfood… para maiba naman” speech? If you’ve got a hundred bucks, you can already have a feast right there!

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Steel, June 13, 2006:

Well then set your date after lunch goddamit! And be sure to take her home before dinner time.

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arvin, June 13, 2006:

ba’t ng ba kasi kailangan pang kakain??

kung wala talagang pera, simple lang – i-cancel ang date oramismo, and say that your just tripping. sabay sampal at break-up.

kung ayaw mo nun, palibre ka na sa babae, minsan lang naman.

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ie, June 13, 2006:

call me square, but i really do believe that uber mushy things (and yes, mushier than the candlelit dinner) still works on a girl, as long as they’re done with sincerity and sparkling eyes. ha ha. :] maybe with all your verbosity, you can try to write her a love letter. he he. :]

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Karl, June 13, 2006:

Mini-Stop sells sundaes at a cheap price of 14 pesos. There are seats in every outlet that has sprouted all over Metro Manila, like mushrooms. They also sell nuked meals. This is the last resort.

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Kevin, August 5, 2008:

WOW, you put tears in my eyes. This post was hilariously funny. It sucks when you make plans with your girlfriend and when the day comes your broke!

Kevin’s last blog post..Kevin Federline Insider Interview About Britney Spears Divorce

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