Search Terms That Make Me Cringe

Get your Recommended Daily Dose of Retard.
Subscribe to Noisy, Noisy, Man via RSS or email and help save innocent puppies.

In case you don’t know (or care), I’m using this wonderful WordPress Plugin, called WP-ShortStat, that helps me find out who’s visiting my blog, what website they come from, and if they found my site from a search engine, what search words they used.

I was checking my shortstat the other day and I was disturbed, even concerned, about the welfare and mental health of some of my visitors. A quick glance at the search strings gave me the creeps:

male with hug cock – What. The. Hell?
celebrity man cock – The sad thing is, they’re finding my site through Italian search engines. REPEATEDLY.
schoolgay – Yep, I have a clear idea of your sexual fetishes… Now go away.
cow poop images – Lovely.
ask a retard – Ooh yeah, like a retard will give you grrrrrrrreat answers to your questions…
retard fishing – But… What is it in the first place?
super blinkies – What, ordinary blinkies ain’t enough for you?
willie revillame ’s home address – I hate his guts too, but do you actually need to look for his home to shut him up? Also, do you think he’d post his home address on the internet?!
david hasselhoff downloads – What’ll you download? Hoff Soap?
ridiculous quotes from david hasselhoff – You don’t need quotes. You just need to look at his pictures to know how ridiculous he is. And the weird thing is that this is a REPEAT search string.
batman retard – This just defies logic.
what dose addams like to do at the karaoke – Who dose what where? Huh?
fat boy man boobs – Uh-huh. N-nice.
man cock – This is not a pretty picture.
fat nudist of men – Seriously, people who have a long history of mental illness and disturbing fetishes should be banned from using the internet.

I am sure glad that most of my readers are normal. Do you guys get weird visitors as well? Maybe you won’t mind telling me your stories.

Technorati Tags: search strings, disturbing, weird, retarded, humor, wordpress

Share and Enjoy:

No related posts.

Posted in Stuff.

By Ade

May 18, 2006

41 comments

Get a Trackback link

3 Trackbacks/Pingbacks

Pingback: In My Pocket on June 22, 2006
Pingback: PinoyBlog: The Philippines According to Blogs on October 21, 2006
Pingback: More Search Terms That Make Me Cringe » Noisy, Noisy Man | Your daily dose of retard. on October 21, 2006

38 Comments

poldo, May 18, 2006:

Hey, thanks for the plugin info. I only use performancing.com’s metrics system and google analytics. This one’s good.

Click to Reply
jong, May 18, 2006:

hey, saan naman sila napupunta kapag nasearch ang site mo? hehe ang entries? haha

gamit ko rin yang plugin na yan, ganda talaga. Ang mga search strings na madalas eh magmahal muli chords at eurostar carnival pati ang world pyro olympics.. Meron namang mangilan-ilan na nagsearch ng “kahit ano”, weird talaga. meron ding “nakakaapekto sa pagaaral ng estudyante” hehe natawa talaga ako..

Click to Reply
jong, May 18, 2006:

mga bagong search strings

“kwentong me aral” – tsk tsk me?
“mga sagot sa panaginip” – man, english ang gamitin mo, makakahanap ka ng sagot
“latest bangbus password may 2006″ – haha feel niya naman may makikita siyang password sa site ko na pang bangbus haha.

Click to Reply
ba, May 18, 2006:

Yung sa akin:

bayag bata
bayag
banduria notes
orange and lemons boyband
pinoy ako soundtrack similar to the care music
Korean madness
how to write a jr. high “mvp speech”

Malupit ang ShortStat!!! Hahaha

Click to Reply
skwayred, May 18, 2006:

Yes, I receive those too through a different stat plug-in: kwentong pangbata, makati scandal, bakit gusto ng Pilipino pumuti, mga kwentong hubad, how do you pronounce Ng, ako mag ano try ko (?!). Weird people.

Click to Reply
arvin, May 18, 2006:

weird!! hmmmmmmmmmm…… at dahil diyan nag-install na din ako ng shortstat ko! yehey!

Click to Reply
Jaypee, May 18, 2006:

Better to have weird, psycho visitors than none at all. Hehe. :D

Click to Reply
ba, May 19, 2006:

Oh! I once had a Google referrer, Pc Magnaye yung string. Someone’s stalking your sister, wahahahaha.

Click to Reply
eric, May 19, 2006:

when i was still in blogspot, ( and even until now!) i do get weird search keywords like,:

bacolod scandal
piolo scandal
troy mentero scandal
ethel booba scandal
makati scandal
san beda scandal
euthanasia
girlfriends of jose rizal

ang weird… hinahayaan ko na lang sila..

Click to Reply
ruther, May 19, 2006:

baka dahil sa post mo na “The Clueless Wonders of the Blogosphere” kaya lumabas ang site mo gamit ang search string na “super blinkies”….

Click to Reply
Tam, May 19, 2006:

Search engines think you are seksi! That was corny.

So far, ayon sa extremetracker ko, hindi pa naman umabot sa ganyan kalala ang search terms ko. Usually name ko ang search term

Click to Reply
Noelle De Guzman, May 19, 2006:

“I am sure glad most of my readers are normal.”

Heh. Really now? :p

Click to Reply
tin-tin, May 19, 2006:

david hasselhoff? buhay pa pala yun. may fans pa sya?!?!?!

Click to Reply
mr_d, May 19, 2006:

ahhh… ang peyborit ko na search term na lumanding sa blog ko ay “Alamat ng Tae” Ikekwento niya siguro sa kindergarten class niya…

Click to Reply
April Zara, May 19, 2006:

Hahahaha, I like “willie revillame ’s home address”.

Click to Reply
Keren, May 19, 2006:

Whoa, those are pretty weird. I usually get searches of famous people I’ve blogged about before.

Hats off for the plugin (wp-shortstat) tip! :)

Click to Reply
Kxia, May 19, 2006:

…Ayos. Masubukan nga. :laughs:

Click to Reply
jhay, May 19, 2006:

at least mayaman sa keywords ang blog mo, hehehe

hindi lang basta keywords, kakaibang kumbinasyon ng mga keywords! asteeg! hehehe

Click to Reply
jong, May 19, 2006:

alam ko super layo nito..

may game pala na flying spaghetti monster. haha

flying spaghetti monster game

Click to Reply
yen, May 19, 2006:

meron dn akong ganyan plugin kc naka wordpress dn ako pro dko alam panu gamitin hehe. d naman kc ako gumawa ng site ko, taga lagay lng ako ng entry, panu ba malaman yang mga visitors????

Click to Reply
Devilicious, May 20, 2006:

Hahaha.. thanks to those search engines! Oks lang yan.. atleast u need not exert effort just to gain traffic db?

Click to Reply
ie, May 20, 2006:

congratulations, your site’s special. ha ha. now i wonder what leads people to my blog. hmmm… i hope we wouldn’t share a similar fate when i find out. ha ha. :)

Click to Reply
Steel, May 21, 2006:

I found your site using the ff keywords:

- Banana split
- Spoonfed monkeys
- David hasselhoff in action OMG Im so gay lolololzzz!

Click to Reply
tricia, May 21, 2006:

god, they are cringe-worthy! and very scary. i wonder how is it with my blog.

Click to Reply
Jhed, May 21, 2006:

Haha.

Weird but funny keywords.
And I agree with you dun kay David Hasselhoff! :P

Click to Reply
aaron, May 22, 2006:

>_> schoolgay

Click to Reply
hera, May 22, 2006:

that’s because your blog contains really “interesting” stuff. really interesting. haha!

apparently you’re like magnet to those weirdos out there.

Click to Reply
Marz, May 22, 2006:

whoa, ang weird naman ng mga search terms. and these lead to you! wtf.

Click to Reply
Darwin, May 22, 2006:

Thank goodness I’m already getting pretty “wholesome” search terms lately. Hehehehe

Click to Reply
doorlight, May 23, 2006:

lol. aliw. kaya nga tinanggal ko na yan eh. ang ipinalit ko naman ay wp-stat. hehehe.

more reliable pa ang site meter pag dating sa entry and exit links na galing sa search engines.

anywhooooooo. got my email?

Click to Reply
doorlight, May 23, 2006:

dagdag pa ako ng keywords: pussy cat, hotdogs. hehehehe.

Click to Reply
//ant, May 24, 2006:

lol @ fat boy man boobs

– Uh-huh. N-nice. (imagin those boos)

hahaha

Click to Reply
Tuldok, May 25, 2006:

Haha!

Fat. Boys. Nudist. Gay. Dose? O_O

Click to Reply
Talamasca, May 26, 2006:

I was supposed to write an entry about this. But other things came up. Hehe.

God, your search key words are amazing! Cock, cock and more cock! LOL!

Click to Reply
Robbie, May 26, 2006:

your posts never fail to amuse me. :P

Click to Reply
Imee, May 27, 2006:

Wow. And I thought I had weird search terms leading to my site.. David Hasselhoff HAHAHA

Click to Reply
Xtina, September 28, 2006:

Hi.. I downloaded it. Now what? How? Lol. Sorry.

Click to Reply
David, November 22, 2007:

I was going to install that plugin but now I am wondering if it might be too much information for me. LOL

David’s last blog post..Big Lake Fun With Lake Erie Fishing Charters

Click to Reply