The Many Uses of Bananaque
21 Apr
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*Apologies to Franz for taking too long to write this.
We all know bananaque as that delicious street treat that we often find salivating over. Who can blame you? It’s easy to get seduced by the bananaque’s many charms: the melted sugar coating, the ripe and tasty banana, deep fried, and skewered on a stick (If you have a penchant for men, I’m so sorry if that last sentence turned you on).
But did you know that bananaque can be used in more ways than one can imagine? I have done some serious pondering over the metaphysical existence of the bananaque (I was also working; hi boss!) and there is indeed more to the bananaque than eating it (and giving you a bad case of constipation afterwards). If Shawarma can test your survival skills, and Pasta is worshipped, the bananaque can save lives. It can be used as a weapon of war and terror. It can lead to more destruction than The Steaming Shawarma of Death and the wrath of the Flying Spaghetti Monster combined.
Ninjas have long used bananaques as their weapons of stealth. Bananaque sticks have long been revered as noiseless and sturdy. They use the sticks to climb the walls of their enemy’s fortress. And in case their black outfit and smoke bombs fail them, they just grab the mystical bananaque from their patented Ninja Utility Belt™ and their enemies will be blinded by the flash of light emanating from the bananaque just long enough for the ninja to make his escape. Historians have long known this secret fact and indeed, the bananaque is the inspiration for the flash bombs widely used in CounterStrike.
Later on in history, when ninjas have evolved into highly advanced Jedi Masters, the mystical bananaque’s energy has been harnessed to form the lightsaber. This contraption is comprised of a battery with a large, vibrating, glowing rod expanding from it (sorry, turned you on again). This highly dangerous weapon is seen during the six “Star Wars” movies as being able to cut off another Jedi Master’s hand without any bleeding. Imagine, you get your hand sliced off and you don’t bleed to death! And you get a robotic replacement for it! How awesome can it get?
Bananaques are also a valuable life-saver. When Ronald Reagan was almost felled by an assassin’s bullet, a member of the Secret Service (who is secretly a ninja) grabbed a bananaque from his patented Ninja Utility Belt™, stuck it inside the wound, and the former US President’s life was saved.
Imagine if a ninja was on the scene when JFK was shot…
Speaking of JFK, remember the Cuban Missile Crisis? It was the time when fear and uncertainty filled the western world because Fidel Castro pointed his nukes towards the south of the US (again, sorry for turning you on). JFK threatened Castro that if the nukes aren’t shelved, the US will unleash the Horrible Bananaque of Doom upon the Cubans. Castro, doing the right thing, chickened out and prevented the biggest disaster since Hiroshima.
Also, author Dan Brown knows of a secret so powerful and terrifying it could destroy the order of society. His knowledge of this terrifying secret is recounted in his best-selling novel “The Da Banana Quode”. In the book, Harvard cryptologist Robert Langdon encounters a secret society so frightening and powerful that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is threatened by its mere existence. He relies on his skills and his patented Ninja Utility Belt™ (yes, he’s also a ninja, didn’t you know?) to outwit the all-powerful secret society.
As you can see, the bananaque is such an amazing thing. Next time you eat one, thank the ninjas and all other people who have kept this wonderful piece of technology alive throughout the ages.
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What other secrets of the bananaque do you know of? Please do tell!
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lolz… what a wonderful, funny way to look at bananacue sticks :D
anyway, i love that treat… but only because i love bananas :)
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what the hell is this? banana que is all over the place! it made me laugh like hell, though!
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No offense to Ronald Regan but it does look like he was being buggered right there. Hmm, public buggering sure is kinky.
My God, Ade, you are truly dysfunctional and that’s why I like you, in a non-brokeback mountain way of course. Really.
Peace. Keep ‘em coming.
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This sh*t is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
Oops. That’s uncalled for. :-)
My God! This entry is very erh, informative! Thanks for imparting those trivia-material info with us. Hehe.
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OMG, I was just eating that stick-penetrated banana awhile ago. I knew there was something on it, it’s at the tip of my tounge. I can feel it’s power in my veins, I think I should replace the meat on my diet with a bananaque.
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[Comment ID #747 Will Be Quoted Here]
pretty soon you’d be growing hairs all over your body and then, you start jumping around shouting “oooh, oooh, aaah,”.
‘Goodluck to you, buddy! ;)
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“I have done some serious pondering over the metaphysical existence of the bananaque”
Damn dude, this is one last thing that I’d do at work! But I forgive you since I bet you were writing this entry on a Friday.
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What? No pic of the famed, legendary banana-cue?
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[Comment ID #742 Will Be Quoted Here]
Thanks!
[Comment ID #744 Will Be Quoted Here]
Teh Bananaque is awesome.
[Comment ID #745 Will Be Quoted Here]
Thanks. More retardedness comin’ up.;)
[Comment ID #746 Will Be Quoted Here]
I’m glad that I have enlightened you!!!
[Comment ID #747 Will Be Quoted Here]
You’ll be awesome then!!!
[Comment ID #749 Will Be Quoted Here]
Actually, I wrote that last MONDAY.
[Comment ID #750 Will Be Quoted Here]
It’s gonna be too awesome for ordinary people. ;)
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LOL, flying spaghetti monsterism.
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hmm, how’d you do the avatar thing in your comments?
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cool! i love banana cue and it also came to mind that the stick can be used as a weapon. holy shit! maybe i’m a ninja? where do i buy that utility belt thingee? :D
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Another nice one ade,
aside from bananaque I also like saging con yelo. It’s a lifesaver this summer season.
Do you think I could get a multi-purpose bananaque in Banana republic?
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OMGWTFBananaque!!!!
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banananacue stick can make a good toothpick for folks with wide-gapped teeth.
haha dan brown? haha careful there ade, you might be sued for plagiarizing the holy bbq grill.. which uses the same stick.
haha.
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i can never look at a bananaque stick again in the same way…what a funny, fascinating blog entry. by the way, i still believe a banana a day keeps the doctor away.
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oops, you got me there! whoa! funny entry that was!
ginutom tuloy ako. bananaque!
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shit is bananas!!! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!! hehe…
pagpa2loy m yang pagreresearch mo sa bananaque.. dagdag kaalaman yan.. at wg m n asahan n mag udpate p c franz abt sa bananaque dahil busy ang lola mo ngyn.. d 2lad mo hehe!!!
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As a former ninja, I did find bananaque sticks handy especially in most covert operations wherein we needed to decapitate some unsuspecting lame-assed sentry guards!
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I use bananaque to keep my hair neatly in a bun. Of course it’s sticky and for some reason ants keep attacking me, but it sure beats having windblown hair! :p
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hmmmm…. ok.
i wonder what food treat is next… ???
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I wonder where I could buy the Da Banana Quode… :p
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pards, you got buh-zy! all i can say is…welcome back from blogger’s block! ang kulit mo…
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[Comment ID #766 Will Be Quoted Here]
Oh yeah?! Well bananaque cured my cancer! And my neighbor’s tumor!
And it made me 10 thousand pogipoints richer! How you might ask? Im not sharing it to you!
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hmmmm… nose-picker pwede? and it can also be a rat executioning implement when you impale the rat that has stuck in the fly paper… then use it as a nose-picker after
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LMAO! Nice work with The Da Banana Quode!~ xP
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baliw. :-D
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is it true that early ninjas used those bananacue sticks in eliminating their ‘kulangot’ too? haha
nice one…:)
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nurse! there’s another one here! quick with that straightjacket before he escapes and writes another hilariously crazy entry! :D
hehehe… suddenly feel like sinking my teeth into that tender banana with crunchy bits of sugar coating. yum, yum!
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Very creative. :) I love bananaque. :) But isn’t it also spelled “bananacue”? Lol.
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nurse ratched is on her way! ade, i love bananaque, but i love turon more — any chance you’ll do one about turon? you are very very funny, never fail to amuse me! have a good day, nosiy man!
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HAHAAHHAHHAAHAH!!
dude, I love your entries.
Always make me laugh.
AAHAHAHHAHA!!!
I LOVE BANANAQUES!!!
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haha. that was totally bananaque haha..
antok parin…
Libre ang da banana quode kapag bumili ka ng bananaque. haha
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hay pakyu bananakyu! ahahaha bigla akong nagutom. eheh punta ako mamaya jolijeep bili bananakyu!
para malay mo yung bananakyu na makuha ko may free na superpowers. parang coke,. tingnan mo sa ilalim ng tansan..
sa bananakyu naman baka nasa seeds lng na saging
eheh
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ayos ah! miss ko na tuloy ang bananaque!
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why the hell are they calling me “Saging” since I was a Kid?
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thanks
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thanks for the information…
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