Down the Highway: An Advice Column for Emos

23 Mar

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This entry is part 1 of 12 in the series Down The Highway

Dear DtH:

emoMe and my girlfriend of two weeks have fallen apart. She’s seeing somebody else now. And I’m stuck here in my room, bawling my eyes out. Whatever shall I do?

- Lost Soul

 

Dear Lost Soul:

I suggest that you go back to your room and bawl some more. Then you can write poetry. Make sure that all your poems have the words "painful" , "sad", "lost", and other synonyms on them. Then you can form a band with your friends who are just as miserable as you. Make sure your guitarists know only three chords. You can get an awesome drummer, but you have to waste his talents by giving him songs with no variations at all. You guys can turn your poems into songs. Then you guys will become rich and famous, get drunk and stoned every night and all that stuff.

But you still don’t have a girlfriend. And you NEVER will.

Loser.

***

 

Dear DtH:

Why is the world such a hard place? Why is the world making me suffer? Why is the world forcing me to wear black and listen to Emo Music? Whatever should I do?

- Self-Confessed Loser

 

Dear Self-Confessed Loser:

Three words: Down the Highway. Hope that’s clear enough.

Next.

 

***

emoDear DtH:

I was very suicidal and emo for the last three years. However, I got myself a boyfriend and for the last week I have been… happy. I don’t know what happened, but I’m actually glad that I’m alive and I want to live more. What’s wrong with me?

- Contented

 

 Dear Contented:

You are a poser.

 But don’t worry, within a month you and your boyfriend’s relationship will turn sour. If that doesn’t happen, do something stupid and he’ll leave you for good.

Then you can go emo again.

***

Got something to say? Comment away!
Help me make DtH a regular column on my blog. Email me at noisynoisyman [at] gmail [dot] com !!!

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29 Responses to “Down the Highway: An Advice Column for Emos”

  1. Ballsofsteel 23. Mar, 2006 at 5:45 pm #

    DtH, about the emo-made poems/songs, should it also contain undecipherable lines such as:

    Take me as you are, push me off the road;
    To be is all I gotta be, and all that I see and need is time…

    to be considered as a genuine emo creation?

    Just planning to become a part-time emo someday.

    [Reply]

  2. poldo 23. Mar, 2006 at 6:08 pm #

    bwahahaha!

    try this:

    i’m all out of love,
    i’m so lost without you…

    then you can start working on your emo. ;)

    [Reply]

  3. Toe 23. Mar, 2006 at 7:22 pm #

    Is “contented” a boy or a girl? :)

    [Reply]

  4. Noelle De Guzman 23. Mar, 2006 at 8:31 pm #

    Daaaaaamn… you sure hate emos. :) Hihihi.

    [Reply]

  5. Sarah 24. Mar, 2006 at 4:40 am #

    Hahahaa.. Okay.. Might steer away..
    you sure gotta hate my “emo” moments.

    sorry.. but they come and go.
    can’t control it. wish. wish.

    [Reply]

  6. melai 24. Mar, 2006 at 12:04 pm #

    Dear DtH,
    I didn’t think that I am “emo”… not until I read this post …….grabeh!!!! nababaliw ako ….. I just saw a Korean teledrama…. her mom died because of sleeping pills, and she herself has her own pills in her bag….. uhmmnnn I am just thinking why shouldn’t I have some for myself too? uhmmnn much better right? Instead of jumping on an 11th story condo? What ya think?

    [Reply]

  7. rob 24. Mar, 2006 at 1:43 pm #

    Gah! You make me want to delete my last post. I guess I should’ve written a letter to DtH instead. ;)

    [Reply]

  8. franz 24. Mar, 2006 at 4:16 pm #

    ayoko mag email! pero suportahan ta ka! :lol: pwede ba un? nagcclick naman ako sa adsense mo e.

    [Reply]

  9. Laarni 24. Mar, 2006 at 10:38 pm #

    boooooo emos. harhar.
    and where are your smileys?

    :p :) >:D

    [Reply]

  10. Kxia 24. Mar, 2006 at 10:41 pm #

    So is this column restricted to emos only or all posers in general? :D

    Yes, yes, yes, make this a regular column. This could be my sole source of entertainment this summer. :D

    [Reply]

  11. yen 25. Mar, 2006 at 12:19 am #

    haha napaka alaskador naman ni DTH!!! pro tama lang yan sa mga emo na tao.. dami kong kilalang ganyan kahit wla naman dapat ipag emo puro emo p dn aarrgghh

    [Reply]

  12. Talamasca 25. Mar, 2006 at 11:15 am #

    Burn the emos at the stake dammit! Hehehe… :-)

    [Reply]

  13. aby 25. Mar, 2006 at 12:01 pm #

    emotions are really hard to deal with, especially when you make it too difficult for yourself that you end up inducing self-pity.

    happy weekend ade!

    [Reply]

  14. jong 25. Mar, 2006 at 1:09 pm #

    [Comment ID #550 Will Be Quoted Here]

    haha oo nga rob! wehehe…

    [Reply]

  15. Darwin 25. Mar, 2006 at 2:01 pm #

    I seem to have lost my emotions, can I just have somebody else’s?

    [Reply]

  16. poldo 25. Mar, 2006 at 5:01 pm #

    pag emo ba, OA? duh?

    [Reply]

  17. arvin 25. Mar, 2006 at 5:12 pm #

    (pwede naman cguro magtaglog)
    uhmm, ngaun lang ako napunta sa sayt mo wala akong alam sa DtH, kung totoo ba ‘yon o sarili mo lang outburst.

    nakakatakot naman mag-mail, para lang lalong ma-down. haha…

    naalala ko bigla ung magazine sa skul namen, may ganyang section dun. para sa mga problemado. klasmeyt ko ung editor, kawawa siya, hirap magpayo sa mga hopeless. nakakairita pa minsan magbasa, pero nde ‘to pumapalyang patawanin ako/kami.

    emo- nde ko nga lam ibig sabihin nito dati (jargon) aun nung nalaman ko… andami palang emo sa mundo ng blogging, isa ata ako dati. nakakaasar.

    tungkol po pala sa mysql ng orgfree – i-activate niyo lang po sa control panel ng account niyo, active kagad un at pwede na mag-connect!:)

    [Reply]

  18. leo 25. Mar, 2006 at 7:25 pm #

    hi! nice post! i’m bloghopping and just checking your blogsite. Keep the blogs rolling!

    [Reply]

  19. yeye 25. Mar, 2006 at 7:46 pm #

    hahah. amf. loser. lufet.

    [Reply]

  20. tuldok 25. Mar, 2006 at 8:54 pm #

    Some people…they want to or accidentally let the WORLD know how actually emo they are. xD

    [Reply]

  21. Robbie 02. Apr, 2006 at 12:04 pm #

    Dear DtH,

    I have never been in a relationship ever. EVER! Is it because I wear more eyeliner than them girls or that I have this thick eyeglasses than magnifies my tears 1090968x as the usual?

    It hurts! The world is against me and I will cut myself tonight again but not too much so that I’ll live and people will know how sad my life is and will pity me.

    Aaagh… fuck romance! *slits wrists*

    xxEmoBoi78xx

    [Reply]

  22. annabanana 02. Apr, 2006 at 12:36 pm #

    hey welcome back! :D

    [Reply]

  23. Euri 02. Apr, 2006 at 11:04 pm #

    Dear Ade;

    Anong nangyari sayo?! Pull yourself together, for goodness’ sake!!

    LMAO!

    [Reply]

  24. Brok3n iiNSiiDE 23. Feb, 2007 at 9:10 am #

    Why is the world so hard. Why is it so hard for people to leave me alone & quir talking about me ?
    Why do they think being emo is BAD!!!!! its who i am HATE IT OR LOVE IT

    [Reply]

  25. ade 23. Feb, 2007 at 3:50 pm #

    [quote comment="20858"]Why is the world so hard. Why is it so hard for people to leave me alone & quir talking about me ?
    Why do they think being emo is BAD!!!!! its who i am HATE IT OR LOVE IT[/quote]

    Um, nobody’s talking about you here.

    [Reply]

  26. emo boy 06. Apr, 2008 at 6:40 am #

    Wow. Ang dami na pala emo ngayon sa Pinas. They’re everywhere. Im lovin the hairstyle though. Its so cool.

    emo boy’s last blog post..Emo Band: Paramore

    [Reply]

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Basang Panaginip - 29. Mar, 2007

    emo turned slacker shtick could have won for Best Comedy is beyond me. Aconover’s Ben takes a photo of himself everyday, DCLugi’s Help Wanted and Happy Slip’s Mixed Nuts is not even in the same league as Stranded. There are also dozens of Youtube clips

  2. Noisy, Noisy Man - Your daily dose of retard. » Down the Highway - An Advice Column for Emos - 2 - 14. Apr, 2006

    [...] View Part One Here. [...]

  3. M BAK!!1 LOL!!!11oneoneone » Noisy, Noisy Man | Your daily dose of retard | funny website - 13. Dec, 2008

    [...] planning to put up another edition of Down the Highway, but I still don’t have enough questions. So what are you waiting for? Email me your [...]

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