You and your girl just came back from a wonderful date. You know the drill: nice place, great food, flowers, music (classical music, not crap by Simple Plan), insightful conversation (nothing about sex). Basically a perfect evening.
Now it’s morning. You grab your phone and you call her up. Instead of a sweet and wonderful woman, you hear a scary monster on the other end. She is screaming her lungs out and calling you names. "What did I do?" you ask. You did nothing wrong. Really.
My friend, welcome to the wonderful world of Premenstrual Stress Syndrome, erstwhile known as PMS.
What is it? Wikipedia defines it as "stress which is a physical symptom prior to the onset of menstruation." It’s that time of the month when women experience hormonal imbalance in their body up to the extent that they become totally irritable. It is the harbinger of doom. Next thing you’ll know, blood will gush out of your girl’s flower (icky, I know).
Still can’t follow me? Here’s a more direct explanation: this is the time of month when Jessica Alba turns into Judi Dench.
Ok. I’ll now spare you the gory details of PMS and get on with the dealing with it part.
Tip #1: Women are gonna be violent. Be sensitive.
Yes folks, that is the sad reality of life. Women, due to the painful stuff going on inside their bodies (the details of which would make my male readers cringe) would be overcome with anger and other emotions that would require a great deal of sensitivity from us men. I know, that would mean missing Game 5 of the NBA Finals. But it’s gonna be worth it considering that if you let your girl hate the world there won’t be a television to watch NBA on.
Here is a great example of showing sensitivity, taken from here.
DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
Tip #2: Women need pampering.
There. I said it. As seen from the example above, one of the best ways to pamper your woman is to give her chocolate. Lots of it.
And a backrub. And a foot massage. Be sweet. Don’t ruin it by saying "I’m hungry. When’s dinner?"
You can also say "Honey, my wallet is upstairs. Help yourself." But I won’t advise it, lest you’ll have different variants of chocolate for dinner for the next three months. And your woman’s closet will be unexplainably filled to the very last inch with fur coats, shoes, handbags, and other girly stuff we men don’t even want to touch.
Tip #3: Avoid answering "the question."
 Fun Fact: Mr. T is actually a woman with PMS. |
When I say "the question," I do not mean "when will you propose?" Bah. The question we men dread is when women ask us "am I getting fatter?" This fear is especially heightened during PMS.
I know the strongest of men (those who have lived through a thousand and one knife battles) sweat bullets and stammer like Porky Pig when
faced with this query. Here is a typical conversation involving "the question":
GIRL: Honey, am I getting fatter?
MAN: erm… uh… w-w-w-ell…
GIRL: What?
MAN: Erm… no.
GIRL: You’re lying! I thought we’d be honest with each other! Why are you lying?
MAN: Ok, you’ve gained a little weight, but you’re still as sexy as ever.
GIRL: I’m fat?
MAN: I said just a little weigh…
GIRL: YOU DON’T LOVE ME ANYMORE!
MAN: …eep.
So just HOW do I answer THE question? Don’t. Pretend to go deaf. Hide like a guerilla. Just don’t friggin’ answer the question!
***
So there. This, I hope can help you understand women during those periods called PMS. And if you certainly love your girl, a week of craziness will be something you won’t mind, right? It’s worth it, I tell you.
***
Do you have anything to say? Comment away!
technorati tags: relationship, advice, girls, girlfriend, PMS
Pingbacks to “Troubleshooting your Girl: PMS”
38 comments to “Troubleshooting your Girl: PMS”
Good thing my girl is still sane. Haha!
I can tell you right now I don’t suffer from this.
Seriously. :)
I think my sister was on PMS mode last Sunday. Hehe. :)
i love PMS.
btw, nice entry! and oh gademit, you used the man-blog url, too. hahaha.
Hahaha. I totally agree with you. By the way, I’m sensing you have something against Simple Plan. Couldn’t agree with you more. They’re just a bunch of posers, IMHO. Anyway, just wanted to say you are not noisy. You’re just a guy who wants to make the world a better place to live in. Or at least try to make it as bearable as it can be. :)
Recent studies show that the very best way to treat PMS is by eating cake stew with chocolate gravy and M&M sprinkles.
i once drove my bf crazy looking for pistaschio ice cream and a pack of pistaschio nuts…umm…u get the picture….^_^
[Comment ID #427 Will Be Quoted Here]
so is mine! really!
[Comment ID #428 Will Be Quoted Here]
hahahaha! defensive!
[Comment ID #429 Will Be Quoted Here]
at least you’re OK already… right?
[Comment ID #432 Will Be Quoted Here]
hehehehehe! wait… use it too?
[Comment ID #433 Will Be Quoted Here]
Thanks, but I don’t want to make the world a better place! I’m just noisy! :P
[Comment ID #435 Will Be Quoted Here]
and having new shoes. lots of it.
[Comment ID #436 Will Be Quoted Here]
in the middle of the night?
buti naman aware kayo sa ganyan.. kya magtanda na dapat kayo.. lokohin nio ang lasing, wag lang ang babaeng may PMS haha..
LOL! Honestly, women are really hard to comprehend. Even they are not in PMS period. Sometimes I would love to tweak my Mac(Macintosh) for a day, than seeing my girl irritated. It’s really hard to cuddle her! (Only when I got drunk)
Genious post again!
I guess the worst thing I experienced with girls on PMS is that they were always slapping, puching, and pinching me on all places.
Yep. Mostly physical than verbal attacks. Haha.
Know what? I think PMS is just a cheap excuse for women and girls alike to lash out at us poor men and boys. Bah!
[Comment ID #440 Will Be Quoted Here]
totally agreed.
[Comment ID #443 Will Be Quoted Here]
thanks! :)
[Comment ID #444 Will Be Quoted Here]
WHAT?!
[Comment ID #445 Will Be Quoted Here]
hahahahaha! Good theory man! :)
[Comment ID #444 Will Be Quoted Here]
But unfortunately you cant “fight back”(however you want to interpret it) because they’re…blooded!
i like a person who is wise..and this post proves that you are! PMS is simply nature’s way of helping women decide who is for keeps and who is not…if you can take our ‘sumpongs” on days like these, then maybe it is worth our while to consider spending our life with you. i turn into a horrible monster when im PMSing… :(, but instead of craving for choclits, i go for pinoy food! :D yummeh!
[Comment ID #447 Will Be Quoted Here]
Fight back? What will I do with the chocolate then?
[Comment ID #448 Will Be Quoted Here]
I’m not wise. Seriously.
Hormonal imbalance, PMS = ginogoyo lang kayo ng mga girlfriend n’yo. xD
Of 70% to 90% of women who suffer from PMS, only 30% to 40% actually have PMS symptoms that interefere with daily activities. xD
Ade, I don’t suffer from PMS because I’m Judi Dench every day of the month. :p
[Comment ID #451 Will Be Quoted Here]
You have successfully turned around my paradigm of existence and thought.
[Comment ID #453 Will Be Quoted Here]
*foreheadslap*
Kaya pala… Pero hindi naman lahat ng babae. Yung iba, sobrang taray lang talaga. Yung gerlpren ko ngayon matino naman kahit na may “dalaw”. Buti na lang tayong mga lalake walang ganun…
Girls… can’t figure them out.
I am married for almost 5 years now. I have to endure it every month. Good thing chocolates are always there to save me.
Hala. Baka di ako babae. Sobrang rare ang PMS moments ko.
Great entry though. :)
The moment I celebrated my PMS episodes when I went irregular a few years ago made me feel so much better about myself LOL.
I get really bad PMS for no reason. My guy friends point that out to me once I’m done. There was one time I just cried out of a blue in the middle of a conversation.. I had not idea why or how it happened, and it freaked the hell out of them. That’s why I’d rather be solitary.. or just let it out to my guybff, since he’s patient enough and knows what I’m going through haha.
Juice’s last blog post..Dancing Slow Orders