Noisy, Noisy Man | Your daily dose of retard | funny website

An Open Letter to my Stalker

Dear Stalker,

It’s been three days since you started to call me up. I know it must be cute for you to call me up three times in a row when I’m working and twice when I’m in the shower. And you probably think it’s cute to just shut up and giggle like a schoolgirl when I ask who the hell are you. But that time you called me up at 3:30 am when I was dead tired was too much.

Problem is, I don’t think we’ll work out. I don’t know who you are, what you do, what you look like, or even if you really are a girl. I don’t know anything about you, except your number that makes me groan in agony when I see it flashing on my cellphone screen. You could at least text me and say “Can we be TEXMET?” so I could text you back a big fat no. But no, you keep calling me, keep annoying me, and keep on giggling like a schoolgirl on crack.

I’m sorry, we can’t be together. We are just too different. I don’t waste my time calling up people at random and subsequently stalking them. I waste my time stalking people at random over the blogosphere. Yes, I also giggle like a schoolgirl when I stalk people, but that’s different.

Besides, I. Have. A. Girlfriend. I am NOT interested in somebody else. It is a law of nature that committed guys are genetically unable to have crushes on another girl (Especially Jessica Alba), so I cannot, by any law of nature, like you.

So I hope you understand, and please stop calling me. If you want somebody to stalk, I can give you the number of my good friend Roel who has been complaining of a dry spell these last three months.

Project 138

Project 138: Bawat Claretiano Bayani is a fund-raising concert headed by Youth for Christ Claret School Chapter (of which my brother is the president). Proceeds will go to 138 underprivileged kids of Gawad Kalinga Licad in Commonwealth.

Bands include:

• Stonefree
• Narda
• Bloomfields
• The Happy Meals
• Blazing Bulalakaws
• and so much more…

Project 138 will be held on Saturday, February 18, 2006, 1-8 pm at the Claret School Gym. Hope to see you there!

Cows

The Philippines, as you may know, is a mostly agricultural country. We have farms all around, plus hectares & hectares of rice fields. The less-developed places are amazing, really. There’s nipa huts (bahay kubo) all around, and you don’t even have to worry about the anxieties of modern life (mainly your PC succumbing to a trojan or something).

But then there’s cows.

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Internet Explorer 7 Beta 2

I have successfully downloaded and installed Internet Explorer 7 Beta 2 today. Although I would prefer Firefox anytime, I must say my confidence in Microsoft has somehow returned. (But that won’t stop me from moving to a Mac in the future) However, they still have this LITTLE web compliance problem that they still can’t fix no matter what.

Impress Girls the David Hasselhoff Way

After seriously causing the end of my social life the other day I looked back on my life and I realized that I am an expert on making myself look like a fool in public. Especially in front of the opposite sex. I have a girlfriend already, but remembering my klutziness I sought to see if there was a way to help the other socially-impared klutzes out there. Guess what I found out.

David Hasselhoff is an expert on being manly. And manliness is the ultimate thing to attracting girls. The internet has a treasure trove of images that will just prove how manly he is, and I hope you all pick up a thing or two about being manly from these pictures.

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How to be a Smooth Operator

I was on my way home from work the other day when I saw Gen, a former college classmate of mine. She was one of my closest classmates so naturally I was excited to see her. I was waving and smiling like crazy at her, but she acted like she never even noticed me.

I was wondering why she was ignoring me. I mean, we never had a fight or anything. So I called out her name.

“GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!”

It was when I realized that the person I was waving and smiling and screaming at wasn’t my friend.

I screamed. At Mega Mall. In the middle of a crowd. And was ignored.

To make matters worse, there was another girl in the crowd named “Gen”. She looked at me like I was some kind of freak. Well, that was before she and her whole barkada burst out laughing. At me.

Nice going, Ade. Reeeeal smooth.

Steve Don’t Eat It!

Steve, Don’t Eat It! is a collection of a blogger’s many ways to posion himself. Laugh as Steve eats pickled pork rinds, fermented beans, silkworm cocoons, and other stuff not meant to be eaten. Well, when you gotta eat, you gotta eat… [click here to read]