An Open Letter to my Stalker

20 Feb

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This entry is part 1 of 12 in the series Open Letters

Dear Stalker,

It’s been three days since you started to call me up. I know it must be cute for you to call me up three times in a row when I’m working and twice when I’m in the shower. And you probably think it’s cute to just shut up and giggle like a schoolgirl when I ask who the hell are you. But that time you called me up at 3:30 am when I was dead tired was too much.

Problem is, I don’t think we’ll work out. I don’t know who you are, what you do, what you look like, or even if you really are a girl. I don’t know anything about you, except your number that makes me groan in agony when I see it flashing on my cellphone screen. You could at least text me and say “Can we be TEXMET?” so I could text you back a big fat no. But no, you keep calling me, keep annoying me, and keep on giggling like a schoolgirl on crack.

I’m sorry, we can’t be together. We are just too different. I don’t waste my time calling up people at random and subsequently stalking them. I waste my time stalking people at random over the blogosphere. Yes, I also giggle like a schoolgirl when I stalk people, but that’s different.

Besides, I. Have. A. Girlfriend. I am NOT interested in somebody else. It is a law of nature that committed guys are genetically unable to have crushes on another girl (Especially Jessica Alba), so I cannot, by any law of nature, like you.

So I hope you understand, and please stop calling me. If you want somebody to stalk, I can give you the number of my good friend Roel who has been complaining of a dry spell these last three months.

Sincerely,
Ade

P.S. Go to hell.

1 person likes this post.
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46 Responses to “An Open Letter to my Stalker”

  1. melai 20. Feb, 2006 at 3:54 pm #

    pwede ka ng ihilera sa mga artistang me stalker nyan!!! yari ka!! wawa!!!!

    [Reply]

  2. Jee 20. Feb, 2006 at 4:39 pm #

    Erww.. stalker.. that must be disturbing and scarry.

    btw ever wonder if the stalker will be reading this post?

    [Reply]

  3. ade 20. Feb, 2006 at 4:56 pm #

    [Comment ID #147 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Hindi naman ako artista noh! :-P

    [Comment ID #148 Will Be Quoted Here]

    I don’t even know if my stalker knows the meaning of “blog”. :)

    [Reply]

  4. aby 20. Feb, 2006 at 5:43 pm #

    wow! ur girl is so fortunate to have yah! rock on.

    [Reply]

  5. melai 20. Feb, 2006 at 6:03 pm #

    lol! natawa ko sa reply mo :) di kasi nakikita ko sa palabas laging nilalamas yung mga rekado :) bago iluto tapos sa translation sa english nga sabi lagi mo isipin na habang niluluto mo yung pagkain imaginin mo na ngingit sa sarap yung kakain,medyo sexual ba ang dating? di ko naisip yun plamis :)(pero di dapat ako magpaliwanang DI DAPAT! LOL!)

    [Reply]

  6. Laarni 20. Feb, 2006 at 6:14 pm #

    ewww stalkers. i don’t give a shit about them. i ignore them. lol.
    btw, to calm you down follow this linkage:
    http://francismagalona.multiply.com/journal/item/85

    [Reply]

  7. nadine 20. Feb, 2006 at 6:42 pm #

    “P.S. Go to hell.”

    Yeah! That’s the way to do it!

    Buti nalang wala akong stalker (as if naman may magtatangka.. haha!)

    [Reply]

  8. Kxia 20. Feb, 2006 at 7:09 pm #

    Eurgh. Mga papansin talaga. Maybe you should change your number. :)

    My ex experienced something similar, but it’s even more freakish. There was this girl who’d call him in the middle of the night… and… moan into the reciever. Freaky.

    [Reply]

  9. franz 20. Feb, 2006 at 8:37 pm #

    wahahah! sorry ngyn lng ako nakabalik dito.. di ko tuloy nalaman to agad..anyways.. d ko matandaan kung nakwento ko na syo na nagkaron rin ako ng stalker sa text.. waaaaaaaa. oo. at nagpalit ako ng number.. no choice e.. buti na lang college pa ko nun.. ok lang papalit palit ng number.. hehe.. teka ala bang clue kung sino yan.. baka nagandahan sa boses mo.. akala pogi ka.. =)) ahehe.. joke lang po.. alam ko annoyed ka.. yaan mo magsasawa rin yan.. un lng. ignore mo nlng kng ayaw mo palitan number mo.. :P

    [Reply]

  10. Mandz 20. Feb, 2006 at 11:18 pm #

    I always “forward” my in coming calls before I retire at night and check it in the morning. And it helps.

    As to your stalker…she’s totally “ignorant”. That’s my word for HIM/HER!

    Have a nice day BTW!

    [Reply]

  11. Jaypee 20. Feb, 2006 at 11:22 pm #

    you think your stalker knows about your blog? do you have any idea how the stalker got your number? iba talaga pag sikat, may stalker. hehe :D

    [Reply]

  12. yen 21. Feb, 2006 at 12:51 am #

    so feeling pop ka pala dahil may stalker ka haha..
    helo wg m n sagutin kasi noh everytime maki2ta mo # nia sa screen..
    dont entertain her..or him?! haha,, anu b yan bading!? may tama ata sayo hehe,,,oh well, i know how it feels pg may stalker haha.. feeling daw ako!!!

    [Reply]

  13. jong 21. Feb, 2006 at 2:27 am #

    naks sikat!!!

    [Reply]

  14. sarah 21. Feb, 2006 at 4:26 am #

    lols. it could be possible that your stalker is somebody you know. or if you’re willing, just change your number…and hope that she doesn’t get hold of your new #…gud luck!

    [Reply]

  15. Darwin 21. Feb, 2006 at 9:13 am #

    Hehehe, big time ka na pala ngayon ade ha, ini-stalk-an ka nalang. :D San nga pala nakadisplay yung numero mo, parang wala naman eh.

    [Reply]

  16. ade 21. Feb, 2006 at 10:25 am #

    [Comment ID #150 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Not really, posts like this make her cringe in agony. lol.

    [Comment ID #152 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Francis M rocks!:)

    [Comment ID #153 Will Be Quoted Here]

    hehehe… kala ko rin naman walang tatangka sa akin na mag-stalk eh… :)

    [Comment ID #154 Will Be Quoted Here]

    that. is. screwed.

    [Comment ID #155 Will Be Quoted Here]

    d mo pa nakwento sa akin yan ah! details please!

    [Comment ID #156 Will Be Quoted Here]

    my thoughts exactly. thanks :)

    [Comment ID #157 Will Be Quoted Here]

    nope, s/he doesn’t know about this. i think s/he just dialed a number at random and stalked the owner (me) like hell.

    [Comment ID #158 Will Be Quoted Here]

    sino naman ang mags-stalk sayo?!

    [Comment ID #160 Will Be Quoted Here]

    nyark! d noh!

    [Comment ID #161 Will Be Quoted Here]

    i’m not gonna change my #… hindi naman nakakatakot eh… annoying lang. ;)

    [Comment ID #162 Will Be Quoted Here]

    hindi naka-display sa site, nahulaan lang niya (ata) ang # ko. :)

    [Reply]

  17. jhay 21. Feb, 2006 at 1:51 pm #

    Naks, artista na ata, may stalker na. ;)

    Anyways, you could just reject her calls. That’s what I did when this happened to me last year. Or you could answer the call then put the phone near a radio or a tv then pump the volume up or something.

    The more you answer her calls the more she’s gonna keep on calling you.

    Just be careful though, she might be a real psycho or something.

    The best of luck!

    [Reply]

  18. Euri 21. Feb, 2006 at 1:58 pm #

    Stalkers are fine as long as they are less annoying as yours. *lol* And your letter – it’s pretty well said.

    What is the color of a yellow mango?

    LMAO!

    [Reply]

  19. malaine 21. Feb, 2006 at 2:06 pm #

    wow! artistang artista ah! pumunta ka sa telecommunication co. kung san naka list yong fon no. nya, file a complaint or get a harassment restraining order.

    [Reply]

  20. kars 21. Feb, 2006 at 2:37 pm #

    oi, may admirer/stalker siya… ;-)

    [Reply]

  21. ade 21. Feb, 2006 at 2:47 pm #

    [Comment ID #164 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Nice tips. Will do that to the NEXT stalker. I just found out that screaming “DON’T CALL ME AGAIN!” would suffice. lol.:)

    [Comment ID #165 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Some people get murderous stalkers. I get the annoying ones.

    [Comment ID #166 Will Be Quoted Here]

    lovely.

    [Comment ID #168 Will Be Quoted Here]

    not any more. lol.:)

    [Reply]

  22. Monica 21. Feb, 2006 at 4:02 pm #

    What if it was Jessica Alba stalking you?

    [Reply]

  23. WiLL 21. Feb, 2006 at 4:45 pm #

    i feel sorry for you. it’s like the popcorn kernel stuck between your teeth. no matter how much you try to take it out using your tongue, you know deep inside that you’ll need help, in one form or another. anyway, just returning the favor. cool site. I would like to put a link to your site from my links page, if you don’t mind. good luck on whatever you decide to do with this stalker thingy.

    [Reply]

  24. karla 21. Feb, 2006 at 4:50 pm #

    wow may stalker ka ade! hahaha!
    before someone proposed to me over the tag-board, geez… such a loser hahaha

    [Reply]

  25. jher 21. Feb, 2006 at 4:58 pm #

    ade,

    im sorry. i never realized you will react to my calls this way. i never intended to giggle like a schoolgirl. a schoolgay perhaps, but not a schoolgirl. hahahahaha. anyway, you should have caller id installed para ikaw naman ang mang stalk sa kanya. gantihan baga. saka serious may gf ka na? baka naman sya yun tinetesting ka lang. :-P

    [Reply]

  26. tuldok 21. Feb, 2006 at 5:40 pm #

    Yikeee. Sikat! Congratulations. XP

    [Reply]

  27. Abaniko 21. Feb, 2006 at 6:40 pm #

    May I volunteer my number too? :)

    [Reply]

  28. aby 21. Feb, 2006 at 11:05 pm #

    @ ade:

    Not really, posts like this make her cringe in agony. lol.

    ….which reminds me of my past relationship! haha. how cute.

    [Reply]

  29. ade 22. Feb, 2006 at 11:36 am #

    [Comment ID #170 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Let’s not get hypothetical here. LOL.

    [Comment ID #171 Will Be Quoted Here]

    ’tis over man, thanks. :)

    [Comment ID #172 Will Be Quoted Here]

    that is priceless!

    [Comment ID #173 Will Be Quoted Here]

    yes, i have a GF and i know that she doesn’t test me that way. ;)

    [Comment ID #174 Will Be Quoted Here]

    nyerk!

    [Comment ID #175 Will Be Quoted Here]

    be my guest.

    [Comment ID #176 Will Be Quoted Here]

    lol. :)

    [Reply]

  30. masterbetong 22. Feb, 2006 at 2:35 pm #

    naks! mas sikat ka pala eh!

    [Reply]

  31. karla 22. Feb, 2006 at 4:04 pm #

    hahahaha :D grabe ade is she still stalking you? :p

    [Reply]

  32. ade 22. Feb, 2006 at 4:40 pm #

    [Comment ID #185 Will Be Quoted Here]

    not any more. the last time he/she/it called i screamed “DON’T CALL ME ANYMORE!” at my cellphone. that stopped the giggling from hell. :)

    [Reply]

  33. delish 02. Mar, 2006 at 10:01 am #

    ahehehe

    wag ka daw kasi masyado enticing para nde mo naaantig ang insecurities and innate craziness ng ibang tao :D

    (swerte ka pa nga eh…ako, may time i couldn’t use my cellphone anymore, and i kept getting bombarded by curses and testimonials of how great a whore I was even if i haven’t slept yet with even a third of the entire male population in manila… so kaka!)

    [Reply]

  34. Noelle De Guzman 02. Mar, 2006 at 12:14 pm #

    Ade answered the stalker calls because, um, he wanted the stalker to incur phone charges? >:D

    [Reply]

  35. Senyorita 06. Mar, 2006 at 11:32 am #

    This is so funny! Know why? It’s because I can relate to yah..haha Don’t worry too much. Ciao!

    [Reply]

  36. charles ravndal 28. Apr, 2006 at 4:32 am #

    answer the phone and tell her that go get a life!

    [Reply]

  37. Alvin 04. May, 2006 at 10:25 pm #

    At least you only have one stalker! I’ve 3 and I know exactly how you feel… :-)

    [Reply]

  38. karla anaya 19. Apr, 2007 at 6:12 am #

    I know what u mean by being stalked. I have a stalker as well and have NO clue who this person could be. I like your letter and i just gave me an idea that might help me identify who this pycho is that has been stalking me for 3 yrs now.. Thanks ..

    [Reply]

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Life Is What You Make It - 26. Apr, 2006

    it over, though. I don’t think this would last that long. Am I bad? Or am I bad? I know. Sheesh. I did drink too much last night. I sound so out-of-this-world. Oh man, peer pressure can be such a bitch! P.S. Don’t cha worry Ade. I am definitely notyour perverted fan. Resorting to mobile technology to freak the hell out of people is not my thing. Let’s just say that I still settle for the classic style of following my prey stealthily. Hehe. Besides, my sanity is still intact, and

  2. PinoyBlog: The Philippines According to Blogs - 08. Jan, 2007

    So how the hell did I end up this way? Well, mainly from these posts from 2006: Posts that made people (most notably me) question my sanity: Shawarma: A Survival Guide Dear Santa How to Flunk a Job Interview An Open Letter to my Stalker “Snakes on a Plane” Can Save Your Marriage! An Exclusive Interview with Manny Pacquiao How I helped men become chick-magnets: Impress Girls the David Hasselhoff Way Troubleshooting Your Girl: Read Her Mind!

  3. Promote Your Site - 10. Jan, 2007

    So how the hell did I end up this way? Well, mainly from these posts from 2006: Posts that made people (most notably me) question my sanity: Shawarma: A Survival GuideDear SantaHow to Flunk a Job InterviewAn Open Letter to my Stalker“Snakes on a Plane” Can Save Your Marriage!An Exclusive Interview with Manny PacquiaoHow I helped men become chick-magnets: Impress Girls the David Hasselhoff WayTroubleshooting Your Girl: Read Her Mind!

  4. So Long And Goodnight............................ - Allison's - 04. Mar, 2007

    for everyone As you may know, a very insistent person had been calling me a few months back, and was pestering me so much that I felt it appropriate to write a sincere and heartfelt letter to her/him/it/whatever. Well, my so-caller stalker stopped pestering me days after I posted the letter, which is a good sign that he/she/it/whatever got the message. And gave up. How was I supposed to know that it’s gonna be the beginning of an even

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