Impress Girls the David Hasselhoff Way

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After seriously causing the end of my social life the other day I looked back on my life and I realized that I am an expert on making myself look like a fool in public. Especially in front of the opposite sex. I have a girlfriend already, but remembering my klutziness I sought to see if there was a way to help the other socially-impared klutzes out there. Guess what I found out.

Yes, HIM.

David Hasselhoff is an expert on being manly. And manliness is the ultimate thing to attracting girls. The internet has a treasure trove of images that will just prove how manly he is, and I hope you all pick up a thing or two about being manly from these pictures.

Hump a Giant Pepsi Bottle

Because nothing would get a woman’s heart racing faster than humping a giant Pepsi Bottle ala-Elvis.

Sing. Dance.

I cannot add anything more to this to make it more ridiculous.

Rape Puppies

Look at his eyes. Those eyes say “I’m raping puppies. You’re next!”

When you go home at night, strip naked, and put an ugly wrinkled puppy on your crotch. Yep, girls will salivate over you.

Use “Hoff Soap”

I guess you need no explanation on this one. Just get some hoff soap, rub it all over your face, and you’ll be irresistible to girls.

It’s the pheromones, baby.

Self-Hypnosis

Maybe it’s all too complicated for you, so I’m giving you a little bonus: below is a self-hypnosis guide. I assure you you’ll be feeling mightily manly afterwards.

1. Stare at picture
2. Be overwhelmed by The Hoff
3. Be manly!

Must… not… look… away… ooh, manly…

Just follow these simple steps and you’ll be on your way to become Cassanova. Enjoy Valentine’s Day with your newfound manliness!

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18 Comments

  1. Posted February 14, 2006 at 5:25 pm | Permalink

    hahahahaha :D
    manliness in pictures :p

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  2. Posted February 14, 2006 at 5:28 pm | Permalink

    Ndi ko alam yung Hoff Soap! ROFLMAO!!!~

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  3. Posted February 14, 2006 at 6:01 pm | Permalink

    what da? ehehhehe. don’t look at them, Darwin. :D
    hey Ade. Happy vday!! *blushes*

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  4. Posted February 14, 2006 at 7:31 pm | Permalink

    pucha, tol. inuuto mo lang yata kami jan sa antispam mo eh. hehehe. after reading your david hasselhoff blog, it inspired me to go ahead and write my highschool memories thingy. (Who would ever forget his knight rider stint.)

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  5. Posted February 14, 2006 at 7:58 pm | Permalink

    OMG OMG, I wasn’t warned earlier of probable seizures. Lol, pictures get more intense as the end gets near.

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  6. Posted February 14, 2006 at 8:55 pm | Permalink

    Very interesting entry, I suddenly remembered the David Hasselhoff joke made in Ben Stiller’ movie “Dodgeball”. :D

    PS
    ang kulit ng anti-spam mo, asteeg!

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  7. Posted February 14, 2006 at 10:38 pm | Permalink

    hahahaha!

    my god! that hypnotising image has messed with my mind.
    i now have this sudden urge to watch Baywatch.

    Great site!! :P

    [Click to Reply]

  8. Posted February 15, 2006 at 3:53 am | Permalink

    The sad thing it, I used to have a childhood crush on David Hasselhoff during his Knightrider days! If you want to be like him, you should definitely skip the whole taking naked pictures with dogs! LOL

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  9. Posted February 15, 2006 at 11:50 am | Permalink

    [Comment ID #109 Will Be Quoted Here]

    I used to watch Knight Rider when I was in kinder. argh.

    [Comment ID #107 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Thanks for the visit!:)

    [Comment ID #105 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Did you feel manlier afterwards?

    [Comment ID #102 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Teh Hoff Soap is the epitome of his manliness.

    [Comment ID #104 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Totoo ang anti-spam ko. =P

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  10. Posted February 15, 2006 at 12:32 pm | Permalink

    wahahaha! pero nong kasikatan ni knight rider, grabe! nababaliw nga mga girls sa kanya .

    [Click to Reply]

  11. Posted February 15, 2006 at 1:33 pm | Permalink

    oh i just know now that he endorsed PEPSI huh? was that old? coz i had a project before…and i had to know all the pepsi celebrities endorsers INTERNATIONAL like Britney Spears, Spice Girls, Michael and Janet Jackson, Ricky Martin, F4, Beyonce, Pink, Enrique Iglesias, Shakira…. and the list goes on…

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  12. Posted February 16, 2006 at 4:22 pm | Permalink

    ang cute ng hoff soap. ;-)

    [Click to Reply]

  13. Posted February 16, 2006 at 5:56 pm | Permalink

    Favorite ko rin yung Knightrider nung bata ako. Buti na lang hindi ako naging bading.

    [Click to Reply]

  14. Posted March 1, 2006 at 10:20 pm | Permalink

    Holy freakin WOW! Im now a hasselhoffian! So good to be a convert!

    [Click to Reply]

  15. Posted June 9, 2006 at 10:27 am | Permalink

    David Hasselhoff is the AntiChrist! Still, if you want to be teh manly, have a HasselhOverload.

    :p

    [Click to Reply]

  16. Posted October 6, 2006 at 3:09 am | Permalink

    Ahhhh, its so wonderfull that you included the puppy picture. Now you have to add the new song that just came out. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3382491587979249836

    That will complete the lesson on cool.

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  17. Posted February 13, 2007 at 5:55 pm | Permalink

    What the cuff? That is hilarious!!! Darn David Hasselhoff. If all men were like him, I think I’ll just die single. Hahaha

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  18. Posted March 3, 2008 at 7:18 pm | Permalink

    I had no idea there was so much to learn from Knight Rider!

    Awesome. Simply awesome.

    Tee’s last blog post..Mind Over Irritable Bowel Syndrome

    [Click to Reply]

10 Trackbacks

  1. By The Four-eyed Journal on February 14, 2006 at 2:07 pm

    links from Technorati tells a wonderfull short Valentine’s story. Jher says that everyday should be Valentine’s day while to help out the many torpes like my self and Darwin (who’s loveless on Valentine’s day); Noisy, noisy man  showshow to impress girls, the David Hasselfhoff way. [IMG ;)] Love is indeed powerful as it seems to have found its way into the perilous world of Philippine politics as GMA relaxed a bit on the controversial EO 464 and allowed one of her staunchest allies, DoJ Sec. Raul Gonzales to attend the Senate

  2. [...] (h/t noisy, noisy man) [...]

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  4. By PinoyBlog: The Philippines According to Blogs on January 8, 2007 at 3:35 am

    links from TechnoratiDear Santa How to Flunk a Job Interview An Open Letter to my Stalker “Snakes on a Plane” Can Save Your Marriage! An Exclusive Interview with Manny Pacquiao How I helped men become chick-magnets: Impress Girls the David Hasselhoff Way Troubleshooting Your Girl: Read Her Mind! Troubleshooting Your Girl: Your Wallet Beckons Troubleshooting your Girl: PMS How to Get a Date on Valentine’s Day The Entire Down The Highway: An Advice Column for Emos

  5. By Promote Your Site on January 10, 2007 at 10:13 am

    links from TechnoratiShawarma: A Survival GuideDear SantaHow to Flunk a Job InterviewAn Open Letter to my Stalker“Snakes on a Plane” Can Save Your Marriage!An Exclusive Interview with Manny PacquiaoHow I helped men become chick-magnets: Impress Girls the David Hasselhoff WayTroubleshooting Your Girl: Read Her Mind!Troubleshooting Your Girl: Your Wallet BeckonsTroubleshooting your Girl: PMSHow to Get a Date on Valentine’s DayThe Entire Down The Highway: An Advice Column for Emos

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